What prevents us from making the changes we know will make us more effective leaders?

The answer has to do with a daydream which goes like this:

"I’m incredibly busy right now. I feel as busy as I have ever felt in my life. Sometimes my life feels a little out of control. But I’m dealing with some unique and special challenges right now. I think the worst of this will be over in a few months. Then I’m going to take a couple of weeks to get organized, start my 'healthy life" program, and work on personal development." 

Have you ever had a daydream that vaguely resembles the above? How long have you been having this same, repetitive dream? 

Most leaders have been having it for years.

The “couple of weeks to get organized” that most fantasize about, are not going to happen. Furthermore, there is a good chance tomorrow is going to be even crazier than today! 

If you want to make real change, ask yourself this tough question: What am I willing to change now? Not “in a few months”. Not “when I get caught up”, but NOW.

So, take a deep breath. Forget your glorious plans. Accept the craziness of your life. Do what you can do now. Let go of everything else. And make peace with what is.

List the personal improvement activities that you have been planning to do, but have not quite got around to yet, and challenge yourself on each activity. Get started on the activity within two weeks - or take that activity off the list.

Tools

1. Defend Your Ideas Without Being Defensive

Getting behind an idea means implanting it with your conviction and passion. Such commitment is vital when pushing for an initiative or suggestion you think important to implement. This enthusiasm also helps you bring others to your cause. But it can also be your worst enemy when someone pushes back.

Since you are so enamored of your idea, your instinct is to protect it as you might a child (this project is my baby). Big mistake! This puts you on the defensive.

When you face criticism, you need to defend yourself without being defensive. Being defensive opens you to additional criticism because very often it will provoke negative behaviors such as lashing out or shutting down, where you become caught in the moment and the niceties of polite discourse go out the window. It is fine to be passionate, but you want to avoid becoming overly passionate, that is, unwilling and unable to listen to others.

Maintaining an even keel in the face of skepticism, or even hostility, is vital to leadership presence, the kind of aura you need to radiate if you ever hope to instill followership. And when people are whaling on your ideas it is easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment. The challenge is not to overreact and to separate personality from ideology.

Here's how.

• Be prepared. Whenever you propose an idea there are certain to be people who do not understand the idea, do not like the idea, or simply don't like you. So, prepare yourself for objections. Consider who will say what and why. For example, one colleague may say your initiative is cost prohibitive, another might question its efficacy, and another might wonder about its timing. Develop comeback arguments to address concerns. Use such arguments either pre-emptively - before the criticism is raised - or after the objection is voiced.
• Be generous. Compliment others for the constructive feedback they are offering. You can do this even when the criticism is more critical than helpful because it shows you are someone that is above pettiness. Others might be petty, but you are one who takes the high road; this demonstrates strength of character.
• Be patient. Few, if any, will embrace your idea as much as you have. So be realistic with your timeframe. Know it will take time and effort to persuade others to adopt your idea. You will hear similar counterarguments voiced multiple times; expect it. Refine your ideas to reflect you are listening to others. And remember - patience also requires you keep your cool.

Keeping your cool does not mean you roll over in the face of your opposition. It is essential to continue to project passion for your ideas and demonstrate your inner resolve. When you encounter criticism, counter with an argument which positions your idea as doing what is best for the organization - not simply yourself.

Defending yourself without being defensive will require practice. You can practice by having trusted colleagues pepper you with questions about your ideas. This will help refine your speaking style. Work on relaxing your facial muscles, or even smiling - you want to radiate control. You are not in control of how others react, but you are in control of yourself, which is essential to demonstrating leadership in the face of opposition.

2. Critical Conversations

Leaders get things done through others. Leaders constantly need to prioritize tasks, develop growth strategies, and delegate responsibilities. The most effective leaders know how to have courageous conversations and they know the most important leadership transactions still take place in live, in-person conversations. Virtual communications such as e-mail or messaging are faster and more convenient than "in-person" options for staying connected and sharing information, but problems arise when these forms of communications are used to avoid critical or challenging messages which can have significant impact on an organization.

Good leaders embrace technology to enhance communication. Great leaders are careful not to replace in-person conversations required to get difficult things done.

There are three types of critical conversations for leaders to master: One-on-one meetings, small group discussions, and one-to-many town-hall style sessions, and there are three ways to improve them. The effectiveness of each style of meeting depends on the participants and the setting, the credibility and completeness of the leader’s intent, and the responsiveness to and emotional engagement with the audience.

The right participants and the setting: First, be sure you invite the right people and select the right type of meeting for the conversation. We all know the typical problems - some people use multiple one-on-one's when they should have a group interaction, or vice-versa; group meetings are rarely productive when attendance is restricted to only certain senior members; and some leaders will do anything to avoid town halls because they are visibly nervous or “wooden” in front of a crowd.

The physical setup is also important, for example, does the space allow good eye contact? Does it project the right informality? Does it promote reflective dialogue when called for? Try a different format, include, or exclude one or two people, see what happens and learn from it.

Credible and complete intent: Your audience must understand and trust the purpose you have stated for the conversation. Try this as you prepare for your next one-on-one meeting. List the outcomes you desire, starting with concrete ones such as "we will agree to these two specific performance goals". Keep going until you exhaust the more abstract desired outcomes, such as "he knows I really want him to succeed and will do everything I can to help." You typically have five to ten desired outcomes in a “one-on-one” chat, and it is important to prepare a complete list of intents and think through how to convey them ahead of time.

Responsiveness and emotional engagement: The best leaders go beyond good listening to make a caring connection at an emotional level. They respond to others' needs as they surface, thereby building trust. A good leader is willing to adjust their goals for the conversation based on the discoveries they make about others' needs, while staying true to their own values. This doesn’t mean being flexible to the point of agreeing to whatever the other party wants, but rather being open to a set of shared outcomes.

The ability to engage in direct, persuasive in-person conversations is the skill most crucial to a leader's success and good leaders will ask for help to improve their conversation skills. All too often, the tendency is to search to improving teamwork at the top, greater empowerment down the line, or increasing the rate of innovation, however, when we investigate many of these familiar issues, we usually find the right conversations either didn't happen, or failed to produce the necessary outcomes.

Good leaders can't afford NOT to have their conversations work the way they should, both for themselves, and for the good of the organization.

3. Broaden Your Perspective

There is one thing which is certain in life - change.

People change, fashion changes, technology changes, seasons change. That's why it's so important to stay flexible and be willing to adapt to embrace new things. But some people struggle with change because they think it's difficult, or because they feel comfortable where they are. If we aren't careful, we can easily become complacent and coast though life, never really growing or experiencing what we are fully capable of. When we refuse change, we limit our options, and ultimately, we limit what we can do in our lives.

So many people live narrow lives based on what they've experienced in their past. If no one else in their family went to college, they think they can't either. They let other people define their limits, or they allow their resources or circumstance to define their limits. If that's you, realize you are not limited by your past, the economy, or what you have been told you can or can't do. You are limited only by your thinking. No matter what options you may think you have right now, there is always an option you may not be able to see.

There is always another way.

Think about the first television sets that came out many years ago. The picture was in black and white, and people thought B&W television sets were amazing! When color television was first introduced, many people resisted it. They had grown comfortable with their black and white TVs, and viewing life in gray was good enough for them. Color television was an option they just couldn't see.

The same was true when single sideband was first introduced; some AM operators had real trouble accepting it; they couldn't see the advantages of SSB.

We might be seeing things in black and white today, but life really is in full color. There is so much more if we can be open to new experiences and new ways of thinking.

4. Self-Confidence

How can I feel confident? The answer lies within each of us.

When it comes to leadership, the spring of self confidence is an understanding of what you have accomplished and what you feel you can do next. This is not happy talk. Consider what has enabled you to achieve what you have achieved to date. When it comes to finding sources of accomplishment, you want to focus on the positives - your moments of triumph and those opportunities where you shone, helping yourself and your team achieve a goal.

Three related questions to ask yourself to help uncover your triumphant self:

1) What do I do well? This question opens the door to itemize the abilities which have enabled you to succeed to date. Focus on your talents - what you do well. For example, you may possess strong conceptual skills, or you may be one who can think strategically, a person who can look at the big picture and see opportunities where others see only blue sky. Such abilities are your strengths. You owe it to yourself to recognize them.

2) Why should people follow me? You need a strong sense of self to lead others, so consider how you assess problems and find solutions. Look at occasions where you have mobilized yourself and your team to tackle a tough assignment. Perhaps you took on a failing project and turned it into a winner. Or perhaps you found ways to reduce costs and improve efficiencies when others said it was impossible. In these instances, you gave people a reason to believe in your ability to get things done.

3) What have I done to earn the trust of others? This question should provoke a recall of what you have done to instill followership. You may have defused a conflict between two colleagues, or maybe you took the lead on nasty assignment that no one else wanted to handle. Perhaps you accept accountability, not just for what goes right, but for what goes wrong.

The search for the inner source of confidence is not an excuse for overlooking your weaknesses or an invitation to be overconfident. Rather it is an identification of the strengths that make up the authentic you. Self-awareness is an attribute vital to leadership effectiveness. While leaders know their weaknesses all too well, even good leaders sometimes overlook their strengths. That can lead to an erosion of self-confidence.

Confidence is like a muscle; if you don't use it, you will lose it. It's a leader's job to set direction and determine outcomes; that only happens when leaders feel confident in themselves.

5. Making Things Happen

Credibility is Golden: Credibility is a leader's most important asset. Once lost, credibility may be impossible to regain, and so leaders must guard credibility and take care to never lose it.

Character matters: Character for a leader is action. Leaders are judged by what they do, not what they are. Little good can come from being good; you must do good things. You must be resolute in the face of crisis - the rock for your team to stand on when times are tough. And leaders should be in the shadow when success arrives.

Acknowledge shortcomings: Look for ways to overcome your weaknesses. Surround yourself with people who complement you in skills and personality. If you are the visionary type, get some practical people to carry out your ideas. If you are someone quick on the trigger, make sure you have calm and collected people beside you.

Live your values: Putting “value statements” on the wall may look good but take time to read them. Better yet, act on them. Living values is easy when the going is good; the challenge arises when times are tough. When tough decisions need to be made, consider your values. Doing what is right may cause hardship, but it’s better to give up what is expedient in favor of what is sustainable.

Finally, even the best intentioned of leaders and organizations make mistakes. When this happens, the leader or the organization must quickly accept responsibility.

So, if a mistake is made, admit it, and seek to make amends immediately. Don’t wait until things blow over; they won’t, until you act. Doing so requires guts. And when a procedure or policy may be violated if a certain decision is taken, take away the fear.

Just ask:

- is it legal?
- is it good for the organization?
- is it good for stakeholders?

If the answer is yes to all three, go ahead. Take the decision and stick with it; it’s unlikely you’ll be punished. The opposite may happen. You just may be rewarded for taking the bull by the horns and making the best of the situation - making lemonade from lemons.

Credibility is essential to leadership, and leadership means making things happen.