Why Don’t We Make the Changes We Know Will Make Us Better Leaders?

The answer often lies in a familiar daydream:

“I’m incredibly busy right now - busier than I’ve ever been. Life feels a little out of control, but I’m dealing with some unique challenges. Once this busy period passes - maybe in a few months - I’ll take a couple of weeks to get organized, start my healthy living plan, and finally focus on personal development.”

Sound familiar?

Most leaders have lived with this recurring fantasy for years. But the truth is: the “couple of weeks” you’re waiting for will never come. And chances are, tomorrow will be even busier than today.

If you want real change, ask yourself the tough question: What am I willing to change now? Not “soon.” Not “when I catch up.” But now. Take a deep breath. Let go of your perfect plans. Accept the chaos of life. Focus on what you can do today - and make peace with the rest. List the personal development activities you’ve been postponing. Challenge yourself on each one: start within two weeks or cross it off your list.

Tools for Becoming a More Effective Leader

1. Defend Your Ideas Without Being Defensive

Conviction is vital when presenting your ideas. Passion persuades - but it can also blind. When someone pushes back, it’s easy to treat criticism like a personal attack. “This project is my baby!” you think - and suddenly, you’re on the defensive. But defensiveness invites more criticism. It can cause you to lash out, shut down, or lose control - all of which undermine your leadership presence.

Strong leaders know how to stand their ground without losing their cool. Here's how:

- be prepared. Anticipate objections. Know who’s likely to disagree and why. Have thoughtful responses ready - either to address concerns in advance or to respond calmly when raised.

- be generous. Thank people for their feedback - even if it’s more critical than constructive. Stay above pettiness. Others might get emotional, but you take the high road.

- be patient. No one will embrace your idea as quickly or passionately as you do. Expect repetition. Stay calm. Adjust your pitch as you listen and learn.

And remember: staying cool doesn’t mean backing down. Keep your passion but focus it on the bigger picture. Show how your idea serves the organization, not just your ego. 

Finally, practice this skill. Ask trusted colleagues to challenge your ideas. Work on staying relaxed and composed - smile, breathe, and keep control of your body language. You can’t control others, but you can control yourself. That’s real leadership.

2. Master Critical Conversations

Great leaders drive results through conversations - real, live ones. Email and messaging are efficient, but they’re not a substitute for honest, face-to-face dialogue, especially when issues are tough.

There are three critical types of leadership conversations:

- one-on-one meetings

- small group discussions

- town-hall-style forums

And three keys to improving them:

- right participants, right setting. Match the format to the purpose. Don’t use multiple one-on-ones when a group meeting is better. Be intentional about who’s in the room and how it’s set up. Can people see each other? Is the environment too formal or too loose? Test different setups and learn what works.

- clear, credible intent. Prepare by writing down what you want from the meeting—both concrete (e.g., “Agree on two performance goals”) and emotional (e.g., “Show that I support their growth”). Make sure your actions reflect your words.

- emotional engagement. Great leaders listen deeply and respond authentically. They adjust in real time to what others need -without compromising core values. This builds trust and leads to shared outcomes.

Don’t wait to get better at conversations -practice. When leadership conversations fail, so do results.

3. Broaden Your Perspective

Change is constant. People change, markets change, technology changes. But some leaders resist change because it’s uncomfortable - or because they believe their current perspective is enough. That narrow mindset limits potential. Don’t let your past, your circumstances, or others’ opinions define what you can do. You’re only as limited as your thinking. There’s always another path - even if you can’t see it yet.

Remember when color television was introduced? Many people were happy with black and white. They couldn’t imagine needing more. But once you see the world in full color, you never want to go back. Life is in full color. Open your mind. Try new perspectives. There’s more possibility than you think.

4. Build Authentic Self-Confidence

Self-confidence comes from recognizing your accomplishments and seeing what you're capable of next.

Ask yourself:

- what do I do well? Name your strengths. Are you a strategic thinker? A motivator? A problem-solver? Acknowledge the talents that have brought you success.

- why should others follow me? Reflect on times you led teams through challenges. What did you contribute? What results did you help deliver?

- what have I done to earn trust? Think of moments when you stepped up—took responsibility, mediated conflict, or handled tough tasks with integrity.

True self-confidence is built on self-awareness. Know your weaknesses, but don’t forget your strengths. Confidence is like a muscle - use it or lose it.

5. Make Things Happen

Credibility is a leader’s greatest asset. Once lost, it’s nearly impossible to regain. Protect it. Live your values. Don’t just hang them on the wall - act on them. Especially when it's hard. Own your weaknesses. Surround yourself with people who complement your blind spots. Collaborate with those who bring different strengths. Lead with character. Leadership isn’t about being good - it’s about doing good. Be the steady hand in a crisis, and step aside when credit is due. Admit mistakes. When something goes wrong, own it fast and fix it. Don’t wait. Take responsibility, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Ask yourself:

- is this legal?

- is it good for the organization?

- is it good for stakeholders?

If the answer is yes, take the lead. Make the decision. You may be surprised by the respect you earn.

Leadership is about making things happen - and doing it with integrity.