Three Kinds of Friendship

Two common types of friendships are more accidental than intentional:

1) Friendship of Utility

In this kind of relationship, the bond is not based on genuine affection but on mutual benefit. Each party gains something - services, support, or convenience - and when the benefit disappears, so does the relationship. A typical example is a business or professional connection. We might enjoy working together, but when the circumstances change - like switching jobs or completing a project - the relationship often fades.

2) Friendship of Pleasure

This type of friendship arises from shared enjoyment. It’s often seen among college students, teammates, or hobbyists. These connections are rooted in emotional enjoyment and a mutual interest in something external. Such friendships are usually short-lived. As personal tastes and preferences evolve, the bond weakens or dissolves. Young people especially move through different phases of what brings them joy, and their circle of friends tends to shift accordingly.

Most friendships fall into one of these two categories. While not inherently bad, their depth is often limited by their nature. It’s normal - even necessary - to have friendships based on utility or pleasure.

But there is a deeper kind of connection available to us:

Friendship of the Good

This form of friendship is rooted not in benefits or enjoyment, but in a mutual appreciation of each other’s character and virtues. The relationship is based on who the person is, not what they provide or what you do together.

Unlike the other types, this friendship often endures over time. It requires a fundamental level of goodness in both individuals and is built on trust, empathy, and mutual growth.

We’re more likely to form these deeper bonds when we’ve seen someone at their worst and watched them grow, or when we’ve shared and overcome hardship together. These friendships don’t just survive - they thrive.

What makes "friendships of the good" so special is that they naturally encompass the other two types; they’re both pleasurable and beneficial. When we admire someone and care deeply for them, we enjoy being with them. And when they are a person of substance, the relationship also becomes inherently valuable.

These friendships take time, patience, and intentionality to develop. But when they do, they blossom into connections marked by trust, admiration, and lasting joy.

What We Should Remember

Accidental friendships - those based on utility or pleasure - have their place and value. But their temporary nature limits their potential. They lack the depth and solid foundation that comes from a friendship built on character, virtue, and mutual respect.

Friendships of the good grow stronger over time and, when nurtured, can last a lifetime. Few things compare to the richness of such a bond. Ultimately, the relationships we choose shape the quality of our lives. We become, and experience life through, the people we spend our time with.

Friendship is a gift. Understanding its nature helps us form better, deeper, and more lasting connections.